For the past 4 years, and 8 months, this is what you would see when coming into our office.
Meet Melissa, the front desk girl.
She knows every patient's name and life story, every patient's insurance, when they were in for their last appointment, and if they have an unpaid balance on their account, and that's without looking at their chart, that's what I remember when I see them in Target.
It has been a good almost 5 years.
...
It is now Thursday, January 31st.
When I marked this day on the schedule at work almost four months ago, it seemed ages away. The note on this day saying,
"MELISSA'S LAST DAY OF WORK!!!"
Sounds exciting, yes? Yes, it is.
But I'm also REALLY REALLY sad.
You see, I love work, and I will sorely miss my best friends.
So since I'm in a list-y mood, here are the top 27 reasons I will miss work.
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number 1:
Eating lots of food, especially food that our patients and other offices bring us.
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number 2:
Brooke googling random words to see what pictures she can find that best fit her emotions. Last Thursday she told me that she felt like this:
James van der Beek=Google images search: crying...
number 3:
Pretending that I am Dr. Phil and giving bossy advice to Bethany even when she doesn't ask for it. ...
number 4:
Brooke and her red vine straws
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number 5:
LAUGHING AND LAUGHING AND LAUGHING.
And taking pictures while doing so...
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number 6:
Brooke and Bethany doing Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who has to assist on the not-awesome patients.
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number 7:
Me and Sara sharing a brain at work and chiming into each other's conversations from across the office, because we were eves dropping all along, which totally takes people by surprise.
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number 8:
Becca working on Tuesdays. We all wish that there were more Tuesdays in a week.
Oh, and the fact that Sara and I hired Becca and then told Dr. Heap.
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number 9:
Dr. Heap putting up with me and Sara, but mainly me telling him what to do, even though he is the boss. He kind of lost boss points after this:
Yes, those are princess press-on nails.
Yes, those are princess press-on nails.
Or maybe he gained them...are you wishing you worked for him yet?
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number 10:
The Amazing Magic Carpet Ride Bonus System
(That's what Dr. Heap named it because what's more exciting than a magic carpet ride?)
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number 11:
Genie, the wicker squirrel who held the funds for the magic carpet ride, and drawing the $100 on my birthday of all days!
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number 12:
Birthdays with the office, it was so fun to get things from and for people that we knew they would love. For my birthday at work, Brookie got me wrapping paper, Bethany got me a QT gift card, and Dr. Heap got me electric scissors that are amazing to wrap with. They have basically changed my way of wrapping. Can you think of three presents that better suite me? I kind of can't.
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number 13:
The eel. Multiple times.
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number 14:
Ugly faces in general, and all the time.
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number 15:
Ugly dancing, all the time. I personally like doing this dance.
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number 16:
When any of us try something new with our hair and are crazy self concious about it, and would rather that nobody try to compliment us.
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number 17:
Going into Rubio's, where we all get Kid's meals, and seeing the manager get ticked as we walk in.
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number 18:
The sacredness of Diet Pepsi at the office. Looky, we have it in glasses here, classy huh? Oh, and going public places such as continuing educations and consultations with everyone and making fun of other offices and people in general, and making up conversations for other people.
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number 19:
Nicknames that we've created for patients that include:
Ostrich Lady,
First Date,
Ladies Please,
Catfish Lady,
Sulky Brat (who is coincidentally Catfish Lady's daughter)
Lucielle 2,
Zombie Twins,
Cute Hellen Keller,
The Goblin,
Anna Nicole Smith, but with brown hair,
and more that I can't think of.
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number 20:
Using key phrases to describe patients, such as:
-She's the one with the beard and hangy moles...
-She's the one with huge teeth and a tiny mouth...
-He's the one with the mail order wife with the extra middle tooth...
-He's the one that had an arranged marriage and hasn't learned to love his wife yet...
-He's the one that Dr. Heap thinks looks like Will Smith, but he totally doesn't...
-He's the one with the mail order wife that left him...
-She's the one with the voice of a kitten...
-He's the one that looks like a Far Side cartoon...
-She's the one that has two cats named Mr. Fish and Jasmine, and Sara touched her hair one time...
-She's crazy and is Anna Nicole's mom...
-She's the pretty one that has the personality of a lobster...
-He's the lobster girl's husband with the stupid enormous watch...
-He's the one that has the mole on his nose and decided to stop watching tv...
-She's the dental hypochondriac...
Seriously, this list could go on.
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number 21:
Brooke and Bethany drawing on the Hygiene Town magazine with white out, and making the lady really pretty. Oh, and the water bottle lid isn't referring to the lady on the cover, keep reading to find out what that is.
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number 22:
Adding words to the initials that other girls put on their drinks.
Putting Slytherin on Sara's drink made her way more mad than the one below! Us Harry Potter nerds would totally agree. I'm glad I found a way to get to her!
Then Bethany tried to outsmart us by doing this... no such luck.
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number 23:
Bethany
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number 24:
Becca
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number 25:
Sara
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number 26:
Brookie
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number 27:
Dr. Heap
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Now's the part where I'm seriously crying. I love all of you kids so much! Thanks for being my best friends!
19 comments:
I'm reading this list of patients and trying to decide which one is me. Not the "dental hypochondriac", I'm more the dental scaredycat. I have no cats and the "pretty W/ personality of lobster" doesn't quite fit. But I think it might be the Beard & hangy moles lady. Didn't you know I got those moles removed? Good luck Melissa in your new school. We will miss you at the dentist office!
Oh, Melissa. I feel your pain to some extent. I miss my old job I had for 5 years too. But it looked like you had more fun. And how come you had to quit your job? And I love reading your blog...it makes me laugh:)
Haha, oh man. This post was the best part of my day today...SO funny! It sounds like you had some dang good times at work. I wish my work were that fun. Instead, I fall asleep at the keyboard everyday without fail.
I am just tearing up about this post, because I don't think anyone can guilt me into going to the dentist better than you can. Or make me feel super good about my new fake teeth. But my trips to the dentist may be shorter, because I just have to talk your ear off every time...I think that is our "catch up" time. Good luck in school...Hopefully there will be a teacher or two like Mr. Hildabrand to keep you entertained, or just grossed out.
Melissa.. that was fantastic :) I loved it..I'm going to read it again & again! ok, seriously though... I wish I had that much fun at work. & I totally hear you on the making up wierd names for patients... my favorite for our office is Bob the woman ( a 60 year old crossdresser)
Single tear. I'm sad for you to leave that amazing fun. I laughed extremely hard at many elements of this post. Way to be hilarious: all of you.
Um, good luck with school Mels. You'll do awesome, for sure.
Oh man this post is awesome.
EVERYTHING was so funny on it. What a great place to work, I miss the days of working in an office sometimes. I hope you have just as much fun when you are the hygenist. You'll then know more about dentistry so you can really be a know it all with Dr. Heap. I totally made John read your names for patients section. We both were cracking up at the lady with the cats named Mr. Fish and Jasmine and Sara touched her hair once. Classic!
I am so jealous of how much fun you have at work! No fair! Seriously how can you resent going to work ever when you work with such fun people. And as soon as you are trained you get to go right back. But ya this post was hilarious. Way to have a hilarious office. You definitely contribute. And for being the friendliest front office receptionist ever!
p.s. don't lose your work phone voice. remember when we talked about our distinct change of tone when talking on work phones?
by the way my nail polish i'm wearing reminds me of you. its like barbie pink and sparkley. I totally thought of you while applying it this morning.
Oh, Miss, I am going to miss you so much! Thank goodness I still get to see you all the time, but work just won't be the same. Now I'm going to seem like the mean one, because you aren't there to explain who people are to the new girl. I don't know if she'll appreciate it when I say, "He's the one who looks and walks like a creature from Sleeping Beauty" or, "He's the one who's mail-order bride treats him like a king" or "He's the one who has hair growing on the outside of his nose," and on and on and on...
I hope we don't get a "How'd cha do?" Although, that would be better than "uh-hun."
Now time for a song dedication:
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face,
You were content to let me shine,
That's your way,
You always walked a step behind.
Did you ever know that your my hero?
You're everything I would want to be.
I can fly higher than an eagle,
But you are the wind beneath my wings.
the wind beneath my wings
Fly, Fly, Fly so high
You let me fly so high,
Oh, you, you, you,
You are the wind beneath my wings,
Oh you, you, you,
You are the wind beneath my wings,
The wind beneath my wings.
I love you...
(I'm sorry, ridiculously long, but you deserved it!)
I'm so sad you're gone. I mean, I know I haven't been to the dentist in a while, but seriously, your office is why going to the dentist is one of my favorite things! It just won't be the same without you.
I wish my blog was as entertaining as yours Melissa! : )
Okay, I totally loved that whole entire post and it made me wish I took pictures at my work/worked at that office. It looks seriously amazing. Especially the slytherin/slut water bottles. I may need to read it like ten more times.. Best part: Lucille 2, and James van der Beek crying. Amazing.
That's it! I'm definitely switching to your dental office. There is never this kind of hilarity when I go to get my teeth cleaned. I've been missing out!
Good luck in your new school endeavor. You'll be awesome.
MELISSA!!!! This was the best post I have ever read. I miss you so much it hurts, or maybe I am just super full from lunch and thats what hurts. I really do miss you though. I might have cried when I read Sara's enchanting song dedication to you. I hope you have an awesome time in hygiene school with your awesome new friends and your awesome carpool. My heart is sad...tear, eel face, more tears.
I just laughed out loud to your key phrases that describe patients.
Miss, I picked up the phone three times yesterday to call you at work, but alas, you are not there anymore. What am I to do? How am I supposed to pass the afternoon without being able to talk to you for long amounts of time while you are "working".
I was always so jealous of your fun work times, and sad that I worked there just with Debbie and Chantel. I don't think they would have appreciated Slut being written on their waterbottle.
I hope school was amazing, with all your new friends, new "sisters", and carpool people. I totally support your decision to further your education as long as you still have time to play with us on Fridays, and not always just study.
Awww, Miss! I am so happy/sad for you! You were the best front desk/insurance expert/"Dr Heap & Dr Jones office, this is Melissa, How may I help you?" greeter/question answer-er/etc!! I hope school is fun (?) and you can get back to the office asap!
Sad that it was your last day of work! You are the cutest. I think I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks for the funny pictures and commentary. Good times! You are hilarious. Those strawberries looked so yummy. They will all miss you.
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